Permanency is a weird feeling

I thought a lot about how life would be when I arrived home. How much it would or wouldn’t have changed. How different I had become. How quickly people might stop asking about my trip.


When I landed at Melbourne Airport with Holly I didn’t have any explosive excitement, or trembling anxiety, I really didn’t feel anything; just another airport, another customs, another temporary stop. There was a sense of comfort and familiarity, an ease in knowing where I am, however it didn’t feel like home, or at least like how home used to feel.

I was tired though, and knew I had to take the time to recuperate from this trip. Although I didn’t get very far, and by my fourth day home I was back working; unable to sit at ‘home’ doing nothing. That was actually one of the first things that I realised about myself, I can no longer sit and do nothing. The other thing was that my adventure could quickly become a distant memory, even on the car trip from the airport the discussion quickly returned to the day to day life of my family; partly I guess because of this blog and the ability to follow my feet. That and people’s interest in my trip would only extended as far as asking generally how it was and where my favourite place was. Which ironically became an extremely repetitive and tiring conversation. Though it is weird because as much as I want to share with people, there are some stories that can only be lived.

However, that is all part of jumping back into the social labyrinth of friends and family.
This has actually been more difficult than I expected and to a degree it has also made me wish I was back in a completely foreign country where I can neither understand nor be understood. The main difficulties are people and their lack of happiness and excessive problems and the simple difference of understanding between those who have travelled and those who have not. And I try not to sound like a jerk, but it is true and it is challenging. Another trouble is trying not to be swallowed back into the same old life as before I left, because I realised that although I have changed many haven’t.
Fortunately, the benefit of stepping outside to social sphere whilst travelling, is that when it is time to step back in I can be wiser in slimming down to a peer group that I enjoy being around. And solo travelling also gives you a strong appreciation and desire for self-company.
Right now though, I don’t have any strong interest in re-joining the social circles, but rather building individual relationships.

To clarify though, I am not saying that it is my friends that make it difficult, because I do also have my own problems, and even though I am considerably happier than what I used to be, I am still scared. Mainly about my future and the unease in its lack of resolution. It is a weird feeling, because whilst travelling I rejoiced at the absence of plans, I am now scared and feel as if I am a floating aimlessly around. I know that I am permanent here at home, yet I am still afraid to commit to anything long term.

So what now.
Short term is basic money gain and getting the logistics of life in order.
Long term is cloudier, but at this stage I am content with letting it take its own course.

Oh, and for this blog, you will simply continue to follow my feet!

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